August 7, 2018

Today, Trump:

Still Couldn’t Grasp How Water and Fire Worked

Much to the confusion of White House administrators.

Had Dinner With Business Leaders

The menu included soda and beer.

Sought to Deny Citizenship to Any Immigrants Who Used Public Assistance

Senior advisor and human fungal infection Stephen Miller authored a plan to deny a pathway to citizenship for anyone that utilized public services. Ever.

Took Credit for a Win in an Unfinished Race

The two Ohio candidates will face-off again in November.

Underestimated Border Wall Budget by Billions

The plan didn’t account for little details like terrain and land ownership.

And Still Continued to Keep Kids in Cages

In multiple blatant acts of evil.