May 7, 2019

This Tuesday, Trump:

Forced legitimate journalists everywhere type the words Jerry Falwell-sex-pool-boy-Trump-photos so that’s an awesome start to the day for nobody except the pool boy.

However, he really made up for it by trending #BillionDollarLoser after it was verified on paper that just maaaaaaaybe the guy who only reads at a 3rd grade level and doesn’t know oranges from origins isn’t the savvy businessman he claims to be.

Shocking.

From baseball to washing machines to salsa (and on Cinco de Maya, too! You monster!) there is NOTHING this guy can’t fuckify. He’s like King Midas if gold were actually spray-tanned shit doused in kerosene and lit a’flame! But these are the major leagues, now. And the only thing this White House hates more than it’s own allies are it’s own citizens. Ain’t this fun?