June 9, 2018

Today, Trump:

Announced His Nomination for Supreme Court

Human reproduction organs across the country collectively dry-heaved at the the pick.

Stayed Pretty Quiet About His Former Attorney Hiring Clinton’s Former Attorney

A little too quiet.

Giuliani, however, was clearly delighted.

Tweeted a Thinly Veiled Plea to North Korea

It’s almost sad. Well, it would be sad if it wasn’t actually terrifying. Farewell, Jongald!

Got Sued by His Limo Driver

Someone should tell Noel Cintron he’s going to have to get in line.

And Still Continued to Keep Kids in Cages

Just under half of the court-ordered reunifications met the mandated deadline. The other half are just pretty much kidnapped.