This Monday, Trump:
Threatened Venezuelan Humanitarian Aid
In an effort to dictate their domestic politics.
Bravely Guided America Through a National Emergency
Just kidding! He played golf at his resort all weekend!
Faced Lawsuits in Sixteen States
For his fake declaration.
Couldn’t Save Coal
Because like the Trump name, it’s toxic.
Got Smacked Down on Twitter by R.E.M
Adding to an ever-growing list of things no political journalist should ever have to write.
Continued to Employ Stephen Miller
Senior White House Advisor and festering rectal pustule, Stephen Miller, continued to ooze though the halls of the Oval Office despite being the actual human embodiment of..Stephen Miller.
Called BMWs a Security Threat
Which would be funny if it wasn’t detrimental to global trade.
Got Down with Nepotism
And Still Kept Kids in Cages
Because money.